"You can't erase the past, but you can create a beautiful future."                   ~Michal Madison

Wisdom from an 8 Year Old   I love Paije. She walked into my booth last Memorial Day weekend, when I was displaying my paintings at Art in the Park. Her mom and little bother were with her. I watched as she moved slowly from painting to painting, taking them all, as if she were memorizing each face, each brush stroke, deep inside her. She’s just eight, but the past two years have brought pain that is overwhelming. She doesn’t have a dad. She used to have a dad… but things changed. She's learned early that bad things happen and life goes on. Sometime we feel as if left us in the wake, trying to stay afloat.  Soon after we met, I started teaching her art lessons. She wanted to learn how to draw eyes and faces. (I couldn’t say “No” to that!”) She soak everything up like a dry thirsty sponge. Our plan is that she draws me one of the things that we are working on together at class,  and the rest of the week, she can draw whatever she wants, whatever her soul desires. This past week she brought this drawing to me titled “Tears of Time”. If you look closely you can see words, emotions, filling the iris. She’s also started writing something that goes with her art as well. She liked that I did that on my website and Facebook. (She’s one of my most avid fans via her mum’s account.)  Here are her words:      The tears of time keep falling and falling from looking in the past.      All of the sad memories that have found her heart and eyes and soul.      The tears will fall until she falls asleep.      Then she will forget for the night.      And the tears of time will come back and it won’t stop.      But she can stop it.      She knows with God and her family, she can get through this.                                                                          ~Paije, age 8, September 2014 Art heals. Art helps us deal with the chaos that is going on inside, the stuff that doesn't make sense. I love being part of that process in a child’s life. Paije’s favorite painting of mine is “Shadow’s of the Past” (at top). I understand why. She has a print to remind her that, while we can’t make the bad stuff that has happened to us disappear, we can focus on the good stuff, on the light, on what is going right in our lives today. That is where we find hope to carry on, hope to get through the pain, the loss, the heartache. Paije realizes the gift of being surrounded by people who truly love her. The strength that comes from having Creator in her life. Today, I hope you find the joy and beauty that are around you, the gifts that are in your life, the strength that carries you forward. Surrounding yourself with art helps. Here’s where you can purchase mine: www.MichalMadisonArt.com. Ten percent of every sale is donated to Childhelp so that children who have been through extremely hard times can find hope. Thank you for buying my art and being a part of making Hope Happen! Exquisite Blessings, ~Michal Madison

Connecting with Your Inner Child Tips

 

There is a little child in each of us. Are you good friends with that small one? I think for survivors of childhood abuse and sexual assault it's more difficult to connect. Well, I can only speak for myself. But I have had other survivors say it was challenging in the beginning.
My trauma therapy on Wednesday was great. I truly have the best-for-me therapist on the planet. He's so patient and wise. He had a few suggestions for connecting with my inner child that I'd like to share with you.

(I'm going to be using "she, her" as pronouns just so reading is easier. This in no way discounts the male survivors. This is for you too.)

Make a Deal. I told you how my inner child has been disrupting my life. Showing up in the middle of my busy-ness and demanding attention. Well, we've made a deal. I'm going to make time for her and she's going to let me get my stuff done. Two days in and things are going well.

Make Time for Her. Actually block out a certain amount of time in your everyday schedule to spend time with your little one. Pencil her in. When she knows you're going to show up and really be there for her, she'll open up and you heal. If you keep pushing her away, she's going to maybe hide for a while, but eventually she'll be back and she may be more demanding next time.

Listen. Let her tell you her story. One way to do that is by journaling. Actually let her journal. I'm right-handed, so I'm letting her write with my left hand. It's fascinating how that works. Not only does it look like a young child's hand writing, it sounds like a small child also. She really shows up. She says things and uses words I wouldn't to describe what's going on. No one was there to listen to her as a child. Now is her chance to be heard. This non-dominant hand journaling really works. Give it a try.

Do What She Wants... for a change. Did you love to color as a child? Get a coloring book and some crayons. Some days she may just want to curl up in a tight little ball and hide under the down comforter. Let her. Did you love stuffed animals? For me, my stuffed animals and my blanket, with the soft satin edge, were my friends. I didn't trust people. But, I felt safe with my stuffed toys. In my last counseling session I was feeling really small, much like a child in shock. My therapist gave me a stuffed animal to hold. I was clinging to it like a two-year-old. Finally I felt secure enough to talk again. The amazing thing is that it's actually my feeling "safe enough" that is allowing the small part of me to show up.

I'm making progress. I hope these things help you connect with your inner little one. What else has worked for you? I'd love to know.

Here's to Connecting ~ mm

And here's my website Michal Madison Art. Ten percent of every sale goes toward not only ending abuse, but helping heal children who have been abused. Maybe if they can start connecting with what's happening they won't be having to do all this work as an adult. They will be free, happy and healthy. Inside and out.

I Want to Really Love Her... I just don't know how

Why is it so hard for me to connect with my inner child?

I Wish I Loved Her... I Want to Love Her. I Don’t Know How.   I have trauma therapy today. And wow do I need it. I woke up feeling yucky. Headache. Allergies. Often when I feel physically weak, I feel emotionally vulnerable. The mirror I passed in the hall revealed I was walking around biting my lower lip. I put an end to that, but only God knows how long I’d been doing it. The other day my girlfriend asked me why I was acting like a little girl. I hadn’t even realized I was. We talked for the next few hours. She held me. I cried. So many things are going on inside of me. So much “stuff” is surfacing. Often I feel like I’m on a roller-coaster. While I love roller-coasters at amusement parks, these emotional ones? Not so much. I guess I’m noticing it more now that I’m healing. Most days, I feel on top of the world. Excited about living. Free. Happy. More alive than I’ve ever been. Then suddenly in the midst of my day, as a highly functioning adult, I can collapse. Regress. Become like the vulnerable child who was wounded. It’s taken me a long time to even like my inner child. I love children. They are drawn to me like a magnet and I to them. But my inner child? I have a hard time with her. I tend to treat her like all the other adults in her life did. She gets in the way of me living my life. She needs me at the most inopportune times. I feel badly for not loving her unconditionally. I want to love her. Sometimes I feel sorry for her. But, honestly, I don’t have a strong relationship with her. I think when I form one, I’ll be a lot farther along on my healing journey. It’s just that I don’t trust her. She doesn’t trust the adult me either. And why should she? I’m not always there for her. I don’t love her unconditionally. While intellectually I know that nothing she did, as a child, was her fault. For some unknown-to-me reason, I still blame her. Just like the adults in her life did…for the abuse. (I know… It’s Wrong!) She was such an over-sexed, seductive child. As I’m writing this, I’m thinking, of course it wasn’t her fault. How could she have known anything different? Actually it was all she had ever known. That’s just sad. Really I want to wrap her up in my arms and hold her. I just don’t know how. I don’t know how to love that wounded child inside of me who is crying for my attention and love. The child inside who didn’t have any safe place to turn as a child. Well, that’s not entirely true. My aunties loved me. But, I don’t think I ever really felt safe as a child. That unsafe feeling followed me through life. Even now, I don’t feel entirely safe. There is still a scared little girl inside of me. Maybe that’s why I can paint frightened, sad children so well. They are me. I am them. Still. One day I will love the little me so much that she will be completely free. It will be safe for her to grow up completely. She won’t need to show up in my adult life and wreak havoc. Until then, I am learning to be patient with both parts of me: the adult me and the little me, who haven’t quite connected. You can visit my gallery and see all the different versions of little me. Maybe you’ll see your little self in their eyes also. Every sale helps today’s wounded children start their healing process. Worthy cause. Art you love. It’s a win-win deal. Here’s to connecting with and loving our inner children! ~mm

Copyright © 2014 Michal Madison Art, All rights reserved.

Now That's Just Creative Genius at Work. You Can Do It Too

Don't wait for good things to happen. Get out there. Be Creative

I have stacks of fashion magazines at my house. They're full of fun ideas. I enjoy designing clothes, as well as painting. And I use old magazines for art collages. So I keep them around. I was browsing through an old Elle magazine and happened on an article about fashion designer Kenneth Cole. He inspires me. Not just his elegant designs, but the way he uses this platform to share what he stands for. As we know, the beginning is one of the best places to start when we want to understand the magnitude of where someone is today. So let's go back... "It's 1983, and Cole, who planned to launch his collection of women's shoes during New York Market Week, doesn't have the budget to rent a hotel suite to display his wares -- let alone a showroom. Plan B involves borrowing a friend's production trailer. But the 28 year old can receive a parking permit only if he's actually filming a movie. So the designer changes the name of his company from Kenneth Cole Inc. to Kenneth Cole Productions, tells the city he's filming a full-length feature called The Birth of a Shoe Company and sells 72,000 pairs of shoes in under 72 hours." Now that's creative. Today Kenneth Cole is a $1 billion empire. It just shows me what our creative minds can do.  Every one of us has something amazing to give to this world.  What is it that you are longing to share? What do you have to give that is unique to you? Cole could have thought: "I'm poor. I don't have the backing to do this. I'll have to wait until I have the money. Besides, there are so many shoe designers. Who's going to buy my stuff anyway? What's the point?" I don't know if those feelings/thoughts ever even came into his mind. If they did, he, for sure, didn't let them stay. He didn't sit back and didn't wait for his ship to come in, he swam out to meet it. Cole does way more than design. He's an activist. He uses his fashion ads to declare his truth. He stands for something and he's not afraid to let people know. I respect that! He invites conversation with others, because he wants to know where others stand on social issues as well. He knows that when we talk about things, share our thoughts, we grow. We get somewhere. Yes, there are other shoe designers at New York Market Week, but there is only one Kenneth Cole. He got creative. He figured out a way to show the world what he had. The world is a better place because he's in it. There is only one You. So what's stopping you from following your heart. Make your mark on this planet. Live your passion. Life will inspire you. I promise. And you will inspire others. Want to see what I love to do? Visit Michal Madison Art. 10% of every sale is donated to Childhelp. Creating safety for children and ending abuse is something else I'm passionate about. Find what brings you joy. Follow you bliss. Life is too short to be anything but happy. When we're doing what we love, we make a difference in the lives of others. It just happens. Here's to making a difference in this world~ mm

Copyright © 2014 Michal Madison Art, All rights reserved.

Me? Like a Screen-Printing Nun who Transformed Modern Art and Changed the World? Are you sure you have the right girl?

"There will be new rules next week." Corita Kent   Have you ever received a compliment that was so big you didn't know how to take it in? Here's mine. It came in a text message  from my wonderful friend the Honorable Judge Mary Elizabeth Bullock after she received my painting "Hope": “Michal, you are the sweetest, most talented and gifted person I have met since the loss of a very dear artist friend of mine, Corita Kent. Corita was in a convent for many years where she began her amazing art. Like you, she had the soul of an angel. Your kindness gave me hope, hope in today, hope for tomorrow and importantly – hope in human kind….” To fully grasp the depth of this compliment I’d like to share with you Corita Kent (1918-1986), the screen-printing nun who transformed the path of modern art. (Wouldn’t you like to be known for transforming something? Me too.)   Corita lived with passion. She took what she was given, a tiny art department and some students, and turned it into a global center for design and printmaking. She became pals with Buckminster Fuller. IBM was a client. Activist. Artist. Positive (She was unapologetically positive). Life inspired her. She gathered ideas everywhere she turned: from the Bible to the streets of L.A. She shamelessly copied her artistic contemporaries’ style (Andy Warhol, Shephard Fairey). And under her fearless artistic direction as an art teacher, the Los Angeles Immaculate Heart School became legendary (1947 to 1968). Buckminster Fuller said her art studio was “among the most fundamentally inspiring experiences of my life.” In the late 1960s, Corita became even more of a social activist, focusing her art on civil rights and the Vietnam War. That rocked the boat for the religious leaders at the school. They didn’t like it just as much as they disapproved of the rock music she played during art class. Corita was a mover and a shaker. When the Catholic Church wouldn’t change with the times, allowing women more freedom, she left (1968). I love that she stood strong for what she believed in. I really admire that.  Kent was a nun who established herself and had a prosperous profession. She even was the cover girl for Newsweek. She illustrated the Love stamp for the U.S. Post Office (1985). She’s painted the famous Rainbow Swash mural on a gas tank which has become a local landmark in Boston. I think it is the largest copyrighted art work in the world. Oh & they appropriately honored her, renaming the art studio at Immaculate Hear College Corita Art Center.  I think each of us longs to change the world like Corita did. And we can, by doing whatever it is that we do best and giving it our all. If you need some inspiration, I'd love to create something especially for you, or you can choose from my collection at Michal Madison Art. Ten percent of every sale goes to making a difference in the lives of children (Childhelp). I guess that is something I have in common with Corita. I hope you have a magical day filled with unapologetic positivity, ~m Mary Elizabeth Bullock, I don’t even know how to accept a compliment of this magnitude, but thank you from the bottom of my heart. Corita Kent inspires me. Thank you for introducing me to her life and her art. I love you. You make me feel like gold.   Thanks to Alisa Walker, Richard Howe, David Blazer and Google (Don't you love Google?) for the great information on Corita Kent. If you'd like to receive my email/blog sign-up here.

Copyright © 2014 michal madison art, All rights reserved.

Your Story Matters

Your Story Matters   

"Alone we whisper. Together we roar." ~ Faith McDaniel

Topics like the one we shared tonight on Butterfly Dreams Talk Radio are haunting. Disturbing. As if a child could ever consent to having sex with an adult. It’s impossible. Legal? Accepted as “normal”? The thoughts raced through my mind like a pack of wild monkeys. My stomach was reeling. How could something so utterly terrifying, so life destroying, so evil as pedophilia be considered “ok” by anyone? How did this even become a topic for the show tonight? Did it need to be addressed? Absolutely! How can a small army of advocates and survivors make a difference against the appalling typhoon that is soon to hit the United States, as it has the United Kingdom?

We will need help that is more than human. Angel armies. We also need to join together like never before. Empower the children in our corner of the world. Do all we can to educate people and raise awareness of what abuse does to the child’s life.

And… Talk. Talk. Talk. Tell our stories. Let our voices be heard.

In the past I’ve been tempted to think, does my story really make a difference? I am not “A Child Called It”. Last week I was convinced once again, that every voice counts, ever story matters. I shared my life journey with over 200 students that were packed into a tiny auditorium, with standing room only, last Wednesday night. I shared my truth… told it like it happened. I could tell that the students were “with” me, really listening. When I walked off that stage, they broke into applause, as I was sitting down, they were all standing up, thanking me for being honest. My story. A standing ovation? Yes.

So many came up to me afterward to thank me. I left not only feeling validated, but knowing that I had changed the perspective of many in that room… opened their eyes to the reality of what abuse does to a child’s soul.

Several days later, I was told, there was still buzz on campus about my story. Saturday morning over three hundred people gathered for the Kappa Delta Shamrock 5K. Together we were running and walking to raise money for Childhelp. Together we raising awareness about child abuse. Before the race started, while we were all stretching and getting ready, student after student came up to me, thanking me again for sharing my story. Some had been unable to attend because of classes, but had heard about it. One young woman came up and said, “You have no idea what an impact you had on the guys who heard you. They are still talking about it. No one gets through to them. You did.”

I was honored and humbled at the same time. Here I had been thinking, “Does my story make that much of a difference?” For several months now, I’ve thought, I speak because I’m willing to speak, willing to say what happened. That’s why they ask me. I’m willing.

I realize now, that is what is going to make a difference. Not a bunch of facts or a list of after effects found on a google search, but personal stories. Your story. My story. All our stories added together. Because stories are personal. The facts are no longer in a long list of bullet points, they are real; they are attached to a living breathing human being. That is how we will roar. By talking & talking & talking & not stopping! No one can deny your experience, your life, your story. So speak up. Share it in every way you can: Sing it. Dance it. Paint it. Speak it. Write a poem or a story or a blog. Get your story out there for the world to hear and see. That is how we are going to stop the deluge of pedophiles saying “having sex with an adult doesn’t hurt a child”. That is how we will stop this hurricane that threatens the lives of children everywhere.

Speak Up. Roar!

Here’s the link to the article that started tonight’s Hot Topic: http://together-we-heal.org/2014/03/04/we-cant-prove-sex-with-children-does-them-harm-says-labour-linked-nccl/
Here’s a link to the show: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/butterflydreamstalkradio/2014/03/11/its-a-family-affair--pedophilia-should-it-be-an-accepted-act#.Ux3_QVi97gw.facebook
Here’s a link to my website: www.MichalMadisonArt.net/galleries.html. Art is one of the ways I tell my story. Selling my art is one of the ways I support child abuse prevention and awareness via: Childhelp (www.Childhelp.org) & Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery (www.ButterflyDreamsAbuseRecovery.com).

Roar my friends. Roar!
~michal madison

 

11 March 2014

Painting for Peace

 I am continually amazed by the healing power of art! How it heals me, the artist. It heals those who see it and find inspiration. And now through it I am also able to give back and help abused children heal.

Painting for Peace

the healing power of art

My innocence was stolen before I could speak a word. I know that is one of the reasons art is so important to me. It doesn’t need a vocabulary to help me express hidden emotions and deep feelings.

Child abuse is impossible to wrap my mind around. I don’t understand it! It was even more inconceivable while it was happening.

How could these people, who said they loved me, do these appalling things to me? I separated the evil events from my “good” parents, dividing and hiding the darkness so deep that I almost convinced myself it never happened. I dissociated. And so, as an adult, I always felt there were pieces of my story I just “didn’t” know ~ or maybe didn’t want to know… But I did want to know. I wanted to understand why I was the way I was.

But how? How does one uncover a past they’ve buried so deep in their psyche? Art! Art allowed me to discover my history in safety and continues to help me process my journey gently. It gives me the freedom to move beyond the barriers that confined me, to live in the freedom I was created to enjoy! Art helps us express emotions that we can’t find words for. There are so many art forms to express those emotions. The possibilities are limitless!

As a child I was rescued by music. I remember the moment the piano arrived at our house. It was a huge old upright grand with a magnificent full sound. I sat there mesmerized. That piano would become a place I could express my feelings. Through music I developed an inner strength.  I felt alive, grounded, present. I lived at the piano, lost and found in the notes, using music to tell my story.

Later I started exploring visual art.  There would be several more years of abuse before I would be in a safe enough place to truly start my healing journey using this medium. And then, it was through watercolor and collage that the puzzle pieces of my life story started to fit together. I started to understand why I ended up in more than one abusive marriage. Marriages that looked so great on the outside but were filled with assault and pain (just like my family).

I love the saying “life is a great big canvas, so throw as much paint on it as you can!” Part of my healing has involved “throwing paint”. Yes, it gets everywhere, but the benefits far outweigh any cleanup that I may have to do (besides, beach towels make great drop cloths and look so much more artistic with paint splatters!) It’s cathartic to let the paint “fly”, just to enjoy the process without allowing the outcome to be a priority.

I’ve found when I become focused on the finished product, I lose, to a great extent, the healing power of the journey — the process. I have discovered so much about where I am today, about where I’ve been, from these “paintings without a plan”. It’s as if a window was opened and I was able to look into my inner world.

I created a collage book, as soon as I left my second abusive husband. I was unwavering, at that point, to get to the root cause of my issues and start to heal. I was determined to never allow anyone to abuse me ever again! So I started using art as part of my healing, much more seriously.

I collected pictures and words from magazines that resonated with my feelings and desires. I had a little box with glue sticks, scissors, cardstock and magazine pictures. Every day I’d create something that expressed what I was feeling that moment or what I wanted to be feeling — the life I wanted to be living. I kept them in plastic pages in a three-ring notebook. I still have this collection of collages, and still find healing in its pages.

The amazing freedom of art is that one doesn’t need to be an artist to use art to heal. Anyone can collage — just as anyone can “throw” paint on a canvas, or find a box of crayons and a pad of paper and just let the inner self express feelings. The medium we use isn’t as important as just doing it!

The one subject I love to paint more than anything else is eyes. We all know William Shakespeare’s famous quote “The eyes are the window to your soul”. I believe that’s really true.

As I see the eyes looking back at me, newly revealed from the brush strokes of my soul, I almost always see myself in those eyes: a tiny child, without words; longing searching eyes; an angry woman who’s been holding it all inside under the fragile veneer of happiness; a strong, but fragile girl who can’t stop the tears from overflowing a moment longer. These hidden layers surface to be faced, to be loved, to be healed.

A couple years ago, I started sharing my art on Facebook. With my art came my story. Almost overnight I discovered how un-alone I was on this journey.

I wasn’t the only one whose family had stopped talking to her when she told “the secret”. I wasn’t the only daughter of incest whose parents said “it never happened”. I wasn’t the only person who had been sexually abused by both of her parents! I wasn’t alone.

People were sharing their own stories of survival with me. When they told me how my art touches something deep inside their soul, giving them courage to face the past and start to truly live, I was inspired to continue sharing my journey.

 I am continually amazed by the healing power of art! How it heals me, the artist. It heals those who see it and find inspiration. And now through it I am also able to give back and help abused children heal.

 People were connecting emotionally with my art and wanting to buy originals and prints, or cards to share with others. Right away I knew I wanted to give back, to help make a difference in the lives of children who were in the midst of healing. Today 10% of every sale from my art is donated to Childhelp. Giving back is another layer of my healing.

Childhelp has a phenomenal art therapy program that is helping wounded children heal! Through art, the silence is being broken! Through art, children are able to express those emotions they just can’t put into words. Truly, how do you put into words the pain of abuse? To me, it’s indescribable, even as an adult, because it should never ever be! Join me in making a difference in the lives of children by supporting Childhelp.

 Michal’s art can be found at: www.michalmadisonart.com

To Learn more about Childhelp's Art Therapy programs, go to www.childhelp.org/maks.

original blog: http://www.childhelp.org/blog/entry/painting-for-peace/